Strange Weather Continues

“A hole just open’d up, right in front of me eyes! Was as big as a dragon, it was! No, two dragons! I thought it was gunna swalla me whole! I turned an’ ran like Vorkarian hisself was chasin’ me but the others ain’t so lucky…”

Bradford, no last name given, the only witness willing to talk about this tragedy, claimed that on a brisk, sunny, Ravingfrost day, the sky darkened rapidly, the wind began to whip around and a gigantic hole opened up in the village courtyard. Once the hole was opened, the wind began to sweep everything into the hole, including his neighbors. The last thing Bradford recalled hearing, as he ran from the event, was the sound of a baby who “must ‘ave been pleased as punch and laughin’ like he dun been tickled.”

For months strange weather patterns have been plaguing the lands of Irvanshire. Flash flooding during a drought, snow, 3 feet deep in the hottest part of the summer and tornados in heavily forested areas ravage 2 to 3 villages or towns at any one time. Elementalists have theorized about the cause of the strange occurrences.

“The essence of the land has been disturbed and has been allowed to fester for much too long. I have absolutely no idea what force is driving these upsetting events. I have been working hard to assemble a team to neutralize the areas I feel are the epicenter of the essence disruption.” A. Demeter, a noted Elementalist, provided this statement but refused to answer any further questions.

Portal Authority Alert Bulletin

Over the past several weeks there have been occurrences of improper portal anchor usage and high volumes of portal traffic. Reports of unusual creatures coming through portals and terrorizing innocent people have been pouring into our offices with alarming frequency. The Portal Authority would like to assure you that we have increased portal anchor security and inspections in an effort to curb unlawful portal transportation.

Those living near a portal anchor are advised to be vigilant and report any unusual activity. If you do come in contact with one of these extremely dangerous creatures, we urge you to not engage. We repeat, do not engage any aggressive entities that might come through a portal. We advise that you contact the Portal Authority immediately; someone will be there to assist you in 3 to 5 days. We also recommend finding a safe and secure place to hide and to pray to the Incarnations for this madness to cease.

If anyone has any related information, they are encourage to contact the Portal Authority in Tradegate. The proper and lawful use of the portal anchor system and your safety are our top priority.

Portal Authority

A Cry for Persistance Assistance

Dear Elvertonitions,

I write to you under great digress distress. It it my lazy… no, daisy,…no, hazy, yes, hazy understand that I gave you something that was very important to you. I do not remember what I gave you but I do remember that after it was given I became full of dill. I became… very ill. I will not describe my ailments to spare readers with weak constellations constitutions. I can say that I have been having bad streams, uh, dreams, in the rare moments when I have been able to fall asleep.

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I am begging that you pay me one last biscuit. I do not like biscuits but please pay me one last visit and reverse the damage you have caused. I want the nightmares to vanish and my sanity to return. In addition to allowing you to correct your snakes mistakes, made at my expense, I think I have something important to tell you. After you have done your good deed, I will promptly change my name, move away and hope to never smell… actually yes, smell or see you again.

Yours Unruly,

Robin Pennywhistle
Robert Sweetthistle

Robin Sweetthistle

Elementalists Still for Hire

Greetings Complacent Elmertonians,

It greatly exasperates me to be writing again on behalf of the First Father to encourage you to look out for the best interests of your own town. When my letter received no responses, he and I were both shocked and gravely disappointed.

The areas of town with high concentrations of elemental essence have, within the last year and a half, experienced significant trauma due to unforeseen events. This has resulted in a reversal of the intended energies and may have generated weak spots in the fabric of your town. In addition to allowing unwanted visitors to carry out their business undetected, they are starting to generate elemental anomalies. Over the past several months there have been instances of isolated storms, often only several feet in diameter, mini tornadoes and spontaneous and self-igniting fires appearing in and around Elmerton. While you may think this is a wonderful opportunity to water your garden, I assure you the effects will begin to compound and eventually cause you and those living in the surrounding towns significant trouble and potentially danger.

If you are not willing to protect yourselves and those you love, then at least think of the innocent neighbors you are damning by pretending this is not a serious set of events.

Again, I ask that interested parties write to me with a brief description of their elemental competencies and any experience they feel would aid in the neutralization effort. Though I am quite skilled in Elementalism and my research into the matter is thorough and extensive, I cannot handle this by myself. The First Father and I strongly urge your full cooperation in the matter.

Humbally,
A. Demeter
Assistant to the Honorable First Father

Elementalists for Hire

Greetings Elmertonians,

I am writing to you on behalf of the First Father. It has come to his attention that there have been disturbances throughout your town in areas known for high concentrations of elemental essence. He does not wish to cause concern, only to restore nature’s balance.

First Father seeks to hire interested Elementalists to assist me in neutralizing the locations in question in order to prevent curious visitors from using these sites as their nefarious playgrounds. First Father has graciously offered to compensate participants for taking the initiative to reclaim this fine town from those who would attempt to take advantage of such dimensional weak spots.

Interested parties should write to me with a brief description of their elemental competencies and any experience they feel would aid in the neutralization effort. I look forward to working with the fine townsfolk of Elmerton.

Humbly,
A. Demeter
Assistant to the Honorable First Father

Parents Nervous When Children’s Toys Vanish and Reappear

As if the parents of our towns haven’t enough to worry about, it appears that someone or something, is sending a threatening message to their children. Over the past several months there has been an increasing number of reports of children’s toys gone missing. Normally a few lost dollies isn’t enough to capture any interest, but the manner in which the toys are returned is quite disturbing.

Children have been complaining of lost toys that have reappeared a few days later with deep gashes under their left eye. The markings look as if they have been carved into the faces of the missing toys. When asked to elaborate on her family’s traumatic experience, a young mother, who requested to be kept anonymous, had the following story.

“At first we thought Andrew was playing one of his silly games with us when he told us Sir Peter, his wooden toy Knight, vanished right before his eyes. Three days later Andrew came running into the kitchen waving Peter. ‘He’s back! He’s back! But I don’t want to play with him anymore…’ He dropped the doll at my feet and ran out of the room. The doll looked as if it had been badly abused and the wood was split open under it’s left eye. My husband burned the toy right away.”

Rumors have been circulating but no one is ready to put forth a theory on these mysterious events. Random acts such as these do not seem to be the work of professional criminals but an inexperienced, almost childish person or persons trying to send an as of yet to be determined message.

Cat Removal Service

Do yowling cats keep you up at night? Do you get itchy and sneezy every time one of those fur balls crosses your path? Does the sight of their beady eyes make you want to pay a visit to Vorkarian? If you answered YES to any of those questions, I have a solution for you! Mary Elizabeth’s Cat Cleanup Service will remove those pesky felines free of charge!

Isn’t it time you bring some peace back into your life?

Contact Mary Elizabeth for details.

-M.E.